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LIBRARY CHAOS
AN EDINBURGH University Students’ Association (EUSA) spokesperson has said they will seek to defend one of their members after a student was thrown out of the University of Edinburgh main library last week.
A first year zoology undergraduate was reportedly asked to leave the building by security staff after a series of incidents had caused complaints from fellow students and library staff.
One observer described the student’s behaviour as “a fucking disgrace,” and then apologised for his language before pleading that his comments were merely a fair reflection of his opinion.
According to bystanders who spoke to The Student, those who know him referred to the individual in question as ‘Mufasa.’
His appearance first caused concern when hurdling the barriers at the main entrance. Eye witnesses said security staff initially made to follow the student, but a girl left the library café without a lid on her coffee at that precise moment and attention immediately turned to that serious security breach.
‘Mufasa’ apparently made for the stairs, while separate reports have indicated that the girl was released after being detained for five hours of questioning.
Staff were further alerted to ‘Mufasa’s’ behaviour after he was soon discovered on the third floor shredding books with his teeth. It is thought two fellow students moved to placate the now visibly animated student, who was heard to remark that the circle of life was a bollocks idea invented by some jumped up monkey who couldn’t tell his arse from his elbow.
One student, who asked not to be named, told The Student that they found ‘Mufasa’s’ appearance particularly concerning. She said, “He had a really grisly look about him and a wild mane of hair. It was really rather disconcerting. I want to know what the university intends to do about it. Oh, and while you’re at it, I’d encourage your readers to come and show solidarity this weekend at our lat-"
The following sentence was simply too boring to be repeated by The Student. We cut off the individual concerned to prevent further distress to our readers.
Staff eventually persuaded the rogue student to depart the library after use of a tranqilliser gun, thought to belong to security staff for dealing with students who attempt to eat food on the second floor.
EUSA have claimed the use of such a weapon was against the code of conduct university staff are required to follow in dealing with students and have said they will seek to make the university guarantee such an incident will not occur again, but that the university will probably not listen to them and introduce £9000 fees anyway.
Another student claimed ‘Mufasa’ had become notorious across campus in recent days. He told The Student, “People have been talking about him, no question. My friend even claimed he had adulterated a pint with mayonnaise in the Library Bar a couple of days back – I mean how inappropriate can you get?”
Friends have told The Student that ‘Mufasa’ intends to return to his home in the plains of Africa while a decision on his future is impending from the university.
The University of Edinburgh was contacted by The Student for comment two weeks before the event actually occurred, but had not responded at the time of going to press.
Calum Leslie stepped down this week as The Student news editor. He is no longer to be taken seriously. By anyone.
First published in The Student on 01/11/11
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I'll miss the laughs.
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